The Doormat Friend

I know my last post and multiple posts have been about friendship.  But hey, it's something quite important I'd say. So why not.

     I have come to a very startling realization in the past couple of days.  I have always known that I am often someone to be pushed around and walked on.  The doormat friend seems to be an appropriate title.  It is not something that I am proud of, but I often laughed about it along with my friends as I completed the tasks they asked.  Laughter often made such situations easier, being as I wasn't planning on changing.  It didn't seem that I could.
  
    My recent realization has been that in being a doormat friend and never questioning the neglect of my friends, I have in turn created less meaningful and valued relationships.  I never voiced how I felt after being ditched or blown off or just forgotten.  As I see now, I didn't do so out of fear that my anger would "scare" my friends away.  Yet, in viewing my friendships as something to be so easily destroyed, I created weaker friendships.  The people that I have valued the most and tip-toed around the most, in hopes of keeping around longer, no longer treat me with respect.  I can't help but think that assertiveness in my friendships earlier on could have made them something that they just are not anymore.
  
    I'd like to think that this realization to the effects of being a doormat has on my friendships would inspire a new me.  Yet, there is a certain ease and lack of confrontation that comes with being a doormat friend.  Something I'm just not sure I can give up.  Only time will tell.

*As a sidenote, this post is not a personal attack on any friend or person in my life.  It is also not saying that all of my friends neglect me or walk all over me.  I have so many beautiful, wonderful friends that I greatly appreciate :) It is merely thoughts that come from a compilation of friends throughout my life. I love you all :)*