Two Points for Honesty

This goes along with the previous post that I wrote.
It is the lyrics for  a Guster song that I feel especially connected to at this time in my life.
Two Points for Honesty makes me rethink what I'm doing, am I doing what I have always hoped to or am I all talk and no action.

If that's all you will be, you'll be a waste of time 
You've dreamed a thousand dreams, none seem to stick in your mind 
Two points for honesty 
It must make you sad to know that nobody cares at all 

I want to be where I've never been before 
I want to be there and then I'd understand 
Know I'm right and do it right, could I get to be like that 
I'll know what I don't know with nothin more to gain 


Will I get better or stay the same 
I find I always move to slowly 
Can't lift a finger, can't change my mind 


I never knew till someone told me that... 
If that's all you will be, you'll be a waste of time 
You've dreamed a thousand dreams, none seem to stick in your mind 
Two points for honesty 
It must make you sad to know that nobody cares at all 


And all the people who've seen it all before 
And all the people who really understand 
Know they're right, and have done it right, could I get to be like that 
I'll know what I don't know, it's harder everyday 


Can't lift a finger, can't hurt a fly 
I've found I always move too slowly 
One things for certain, I'm insecure 
I never knew till someone told me that.... 


If that's all you will be, you'll be a waste of time 
You've dreamed a thousand dreams, none seem to stick in your mind 
Two points for honesty 
It must make you sad to know that nobody cares at all 
Nobody cares at all 
They never care at all

Floating

There comes a time in life...
When it feels like you have 
too many important decisions to make.


When you are always supposed to be 
considering your options.


When you are evaluating your relationships
in an attempt to decide what may last.


When you feel so alone
even if you are surrounded by friends.


When you feel helpless
crushed down by your indecisions.


When you are broke and dependent
but know you should be on your own.


It's hard not to drown in
your fears, choices, lack of accomplishments,
debt, uncertainties and loneliness.


It's the defining moment of 
if you will sink or swim.


Just waiting
for someone to throw you a life raft.


To grab on to, pull yourself up and 
continue the journey through life.


You may not know this feeling yet,
but you will some day.
Unfortunately.


Just pray you have the support and guidance
to float on.

Together We Stand as One

This is something that I wrote in high school for a religion class.  Let me preface it by saying that I have never been a very religious person, but have always found it interesting how something like religion and God can bring so many people of different backgrounds, socio-economic statuses and color together.  This union was the goal of this "speech" that I wrote for my class rather than preaching about God.... 


        Today we, the people of St. Louis, join together no matter what color we are or class we hold.  We have gathered so that I may preach to you about the everlasting love that God has for each and every one of us and the love that we shall learn to have for each other.  We come here on this bright Sunday morning not to get away from the heat but because we believe, we believe, that we can live in peace with one another.  God would not of put us on this Earth if he hadn't known that we could get along, that we were all capable of love.  
         So I tell you today that you shall love your neighbor as your brother.  It does not matter what color skin they have or how much money is in their pockets.  We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty some are dull, some have weird names and all are different colors but they all exist very nicely in the same box.
         Today is the day that we as a community shall begin a new.  Today is the day we shall put aside all our differences and stand as one! Stand as one before God and his angels so that they may look upon us with pride.  So that God may say "Alleluia! I created these people, these people who love with all their hearts"  
         We will stand as one to remind this world that we are all equal in the eyes of God.  We shall remind them that it is easier to love than to hate and it is better to be filled with joy than with sadness.  And as we stand, others will come and stand with us.  Together as one, we will reach out to those in darkness, those in pain and suffering and we will guide them to the light, to the happiness.  
          Look around at the people standing around you.  Notice the uniqueness in every one of them.  Look at them and love the person inside!  Love them because God created you to love them.  God created us all to love one another, not to live in hate.  What you are on the outside, black or white, does not matter!  Its the inner beauty that counts.  We are all the same color when you turn off the light.  And if the lights are off we aren't going to be trying to count how much money we have.  
          Yet, nobody wants to live in darkness so we need to work to not judge by color, or class, or anything that makes us feel that we are better than others.When we learn how to judge, God's light shall shine upon us.

It's About Time

This is something I wrote a little before my move back to St. Louis. It's not really complete yet, but here's the beginning:


It's about time to pack up my things
Time to step forward with my life
Time to spread my wings


Plans that I've rewrtitten
Over and over again
Will keep being revised if I don't get gettin'


Talk of the future won't get me anywhere
Getting up and going
Now that's how I'll get there


So here I go
Onto new adventures
Dogs in tow

Is it actually possible to save someone?

Over 4 years ago, I dated a guy that was very emotionally unstable.  I began the relationship in an attempt to help him become a stronger person, but in turn drained myself of my own strength.
I recently found something I wrote shortly after I ended things with him.  It reminds me of the disappoint I felt in myself and the pain I caused for him.  Here is what I wrote:
~~~~~~
Is it actually possible to save someone?
Does it always result in them hating you?
Does it always end in you giving up because it just doesn't seem possible?
Won't they always be dependent on you if you do save them or help them in the least bit?


He will always hate me.
He doesn't realize all that I tried to do for him.
He only remembers that I left.
He drained me of my happiness and it seems to all be for nothing.
I hope he is at least somewhat happier and realizes how much those around him care about him and his well being.
~~~~~~


After 4 years, he still will not speak to me and thinks that I used him.  Used him for what I am not sure.  When I left him, I was drained, weak and no longer emotionally stable.  I had to build myself back up.  If that is how I left him, I am not sure what I took from him, but I do know what he took from me.